


how can i keep from singing

by littlesaintmick



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: First Kiss, I don't even know what to tag this as, M/M, discussions of abuse and trauma, it's very character heavy it's a follow up to the seth and roman one i posted, like that's most of this, roman is a blessing and a godsend and dean and seth should feel lucky to have him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 02:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15720513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesaintmick/pseuds/littlesaintmick
Summary: scenes from dean's view after the betrayal. an introspection on love, trauma, and healing.





	how can i keep from singing

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i don't know what the fuck this is but it Is

Dean’s lip trembled as he watched the doctors looking Roman over, his own body aching and hurting all over. He reached out weakly and touched Roman’s arm, tears spilling over when he flinched. 

“R-”

“Not...not right now, Dean. Please.”

Dean sniffled and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. 

“I’m gonna-I’ve gotta-”

Dean bit his lip against a sob and ran. He knew the doctor still needed to look him over, but he didn’t care. He shed the vest on the way and ran faster, all the way to the entrance of the arena, then farther. He didn’t know where he was going or where he’d end up. He didn’t care. He just didn’t want to think and he knew nothing would stop his brain, not right now. 

The second of June. Now one of the worst days of his life.

Dean stopped once he felt a pain in his side, looking around the street. He wasn’t familiar with this city, at all, and he realized he’d have to find his way back. 

At one point. 

Dean caught his breath and sat on the sidewalk. It was late enough that no one was really walking around, and he wasn’t sure if he’d care if there  _ were _ people around. He whined and held his head between his hands. Dean knew it was stupid to run off like that. He always did stupid things. Running off, getting into fights, trusting Seth. Dean rocked back and forth, hitting his hands against his head for a few minutes. He was going to dissociate soon, he knew that. He looked around for anything that he could use to hurt himself. 

Dean looked up at the sound of a car. He vaguely recognized it as the rental he and Roman and Se-he and Roman were using. Roman stumbled out of the car, still shirtless and in his gear pants and boots. Roman’s back was already bruising, long red welts formed on his tan skin. Dean watched as Roman came to him, kneeling in front of him. Roman’s big, warm hands came up and cupped his face, and Dean couldn’t meet his eyes. 

“Dean? Dean, hey, hey, come on, be here with me, please? Don’t go leavin’ me now, come on-”

Dean shook his head. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be real, but-he didn’t want to leave Roman. He couldn’t leave Roman. Not now, not right after they lost-after that. Roman’s hands on his face were nice, and Dean liked how Roman stroked his cheekbones with this thumbs. 

“Dean, please-”

Roman’s voice was more of a sob, more broken than Dean had ever heard it.

“Please, Dean, I need-I need you, okay? I need you. I can’t-fuck, Dean, I can’t do this myself-”

Dean reached up and wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist, pulling him close. That helped, a little, knowing that he was needed. He still had Roman. He wasn’t going to let Roman down. He must have let Seth down, somehow, he wouldn’t do that again. Dean wasn’t going to lose Roman. He stroked his hand over Roman’s long hair, feeling Roman sob against his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry-I shouldn’t’ve run off, I’m sorry-”

Roman’s voice was somewhat muffled against Dean. 

“I-it’s okay, Dean-I know-I know. I-we-I don’t know what to do-”

“Me either. I-I just wanna go to bed.”

Roman nodded, and they helped each other stand up, climbing into the rental car. They’d left their bags at the arena, and neither had the energy to go back yet. Roman drove them to a parking lot where they wouldn’t be bothered, and Roman crawled into the backseat while Dean curled up in the passenger’s seat. They slept there for the night.

\---

Dean didn’t even make a sound as he ran full speed at Seth, knocking him against a stack of equipment cases. He didn’t think much as he sat up and brought his fist down on Seth’s head, the other hand holding him down. He heard the people around them crying out and he ignored all the ‘stops’ and ‘get off of him’s. Why should he listen? Why should he bother? He earned the right to hurt Seth just as much as Seth had hurt him. 

A few people pulled him off and he fought them away. Dean got in a few more kicks against Seth’s side before he was shoved to the ground by Hunter. 

“Cut! It! OUT!”

Seth scrambled away, standing as far away from Dean as he could. Dean’s face was impassive as he looked up at Hunter, and saw Roman running towards them. Roman and Seth shared a look for a moment, and Dean tried not to let his hurt show. Roman slid to his knees beside Dean, checking him out immediately and making sure he wasn’t hurt. 

“Dean, I would strongly suggest that you stop acting as stupid as you are. Never thought you’d let your crazy jeopardize your-”

Hunter didn’t finish his sentence before Roman had stood and gotten directly in his face. Dean was sure he heard Roman growl. 

“Don’t you  _ ever _ speak to him like that again. Dean is not stupid, and you do not  _ ever _ call him that word.”

Dean even saw Seth’s eyes widen at the chill in Roman’s tone. Roman was not usually the one to get dangerous or threatening; he was generally happy to live his life mostly laid-back and calm, and it took a great deal for him to truly snap like that, to the point where his anger was cold and icy and clear. Dean watched as Hunter and Roman stared each other down, before Hunter’s nostrils flared and he retreated.

“Get out. I don’t want to see either of you until next week.”

Dean stood, less-than-graceful as always, and Roman didn’t turn to him until Hunter had left the room, Seth glancing back at them once more before leaving. Roman’s shoulders relaxed, and Dean crossed his arms, holding himself tight. 

“Roman?”

Roman sighed, but smiled softly. 

“Dean, you gotta stop doing that every time you see him.”

Dean kicked at the ground, staring down.

“I know.”

Roman reached out, rubbing his arms over Dean’s biceps, soothing him. 

“Hey, let’s go get something to eat, Bubba.”

Dean couldn’t keep the smile off his face at the nickname. Roman had been calling him that ever since he’d learned it was what Dean’s mother called him, and Dean didn’t at all mind that Roman called him that. He bit his lip and looked up at Roman through his bangs. 

“Okay.” 

He and Roman walked side by side out of the building, hauling their bags behind them, Roman quietly asking questions and urging Dean to fill the silence. Dean appreciated that. Roman would let him talk and talk and talk for hours on end, about anything and everything. No one had ever really done that before, not one-on-one. Plus, Roman drove, and that made Dean happy. He wasn’t a fan of being behind the wheel. 

They stopped at a drive-thru and ordered what was definitely too much food-another thing Dean liked about Roman. They could eat, without really worrying about calories or things like that. Roman was all smiles as they got to the hotel, and Dean, much to his own surprise, was too. 

They got settled into the room, on one bed-they got a room with two, but they liked to sit together while they ate-and Dean watched as Roman tied his hair into a loose bun. 

“So. You wanna talk about all that earlier?”

Dean drenched a container of french fries in ketchup and frowned. 

“Not really.”

“Bubba…”

Dean sighed and curled in on himself a little. 

“I just get mad whenever I see him. I don’t-I don’t like how I feel about myself when I see him.”

Roman tilted his head. His posture was still relaxed, and that helped Dean to stay relaxed, though he was still not looking forward to this conversation.

“What do you mean?”

Dean shoved a handful of french fries in his mouth before he answered. 

“I-when he-when that happened, he-I always thought that it was my fault and that I let him down somehow and that’s why he hurt us, cause he-cause everyone is always mad at me, I know it, I-”

Dean brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, rocking back and forth. He’d done it since he was a kid, since-he didn’t want to think about that. But it was hard to not think about it whenever the subject of Seth came up. He felt like he was that nine year old kid stuck in a closet or on the porch whenever he thought about Seth and what he’d done. He whined when he felt Roman’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry, we don’t have to-do you wanna hear what I think, Dean?”

Dean rocked a little slower and nodded. He  _ was _ curious. Roman had always been more level-headed and he thought things through more than Dean did. Dean tried to stop rocking so much. 

“You don’t have to stop doing that, Dean. If it helps, I mean.”

Dean hummed, and nodded, letting himself keep moving. Roman had always been understanding and accepting of his need to move to get his emotions and energy out. 

“Dean….what happened, what he did...that wasn’t at all your fault. I don’t know how to convince you of that, but I know that’s the truth. You never let either of us down. Not once. Seth did what he did because of him. Not me. Not you. It was all on him. Well, I always suspected some of the higher ups were messin’ with his head, but one way or another, it was his choice. You were a good friend to him for two years. He’s the one who decided to throw that away.”

Dean took a deep breath and stopped rocking. He bit his lips, scrunching up his face. 

“You okay?”

Dean nodded. 

“Yeah. Just. Brain’s being weird. You really-it wasn’t my fault? He didn’t-he didn’t hurt you and me cause-”

“It wasn’t you. I swear to God, cross my heart. You didn’t ever do a damn thing wrong. All you ever did was be a good friend to him.”

Roman reached out and gripped Dean’s hand between his, and Dean almost cried at the point of warm, gentle contact. 

“You’ve been an amazing friend to me, too, Dean. I’m not ever going to do that to you. I don’t know what goes on in Seth’s head, not-not anymore, at least, but I know that I don’t-I don’t work like that. I can’t do that to someone I care about, especially-especially you.”

Dean looked into Roman’s eyes-he still had his contacts in, and Dean missed the warmth of his natural eye color. 

“Roman-I have a hard time-it’s hard for me to trust that-but-”

“I know, Dean. I know that’s hard for you. All I can do is stay by your side and try to prove to you that it’s the truth.”

Dean sniffled, and grabbed his container of french fries, holding it out to Roman. He smiled and took some, knowing that was probably the most Dean could communicate for the moment.

\---

“Dean!” 

Dean whipped around and saw Roman, stopping in his tracks. He had been chasing Seth down, and the man was only a few feet away. Roman ran to them and stood between the two of them, frowning at the bruise on Dean’s jaw and Seth’s busted lip.

“You okay?”

Seth frowned, but nodded.

“‘m fine. My face hurts, but I’m fine.”

“Okay. Dean, are you good?”

Dean didn’t respond, he just glared at Seth. Roman inhaled and shut his eyes for a moment.

“Okay. That’s okay. Dean, you’re gonna stay here with me while Seth leaves. Seth, you need to go. And-please, don’t go telling anyone about this. No one needs to know but us.”

Seth glanced at Dean before nodding, saying goodbye to Roman and walking away. Dean felt his heart rate pick up, nervousness and embarrassment hitting him in full. 

“Dean. Come on. You have to stop, you’re gonna get in trouble if you keep this up.”

Dean crossed his arms and stared at the ground. His cheeks were hot and red and he didn’t like when Roman wasn’t happy with him. He flinched when he felt Roman’s hands once again on his biceps, before they trailed gently down to grip Dean’s hips. 

“Come on. Let’s go, okay? We don’t want Hunter finding out.”

Dean followed Roman and didn’t speak until they got to the hotel, and he sat on his bed, still crossing his arms and staring at the ground. At least he felt safer here. It was more closed off and secluded and it was just him and Roman. 

Him and Roman. That’s how he wanted it to always be. 

Dean managed to only barely flinch when he felt Roman sitting behind him, his big, warm hands resting on Dean’s shoulders, rubbing the tense muscles. It felt so, so good, and Dean let himself relax a little. He hummed, and Roman dug a little deeper into his shoulders. 

“Oh-that feels-”

“That feel nice, Bubba?”

Dean blushed and nodded, drawing his knees together. He really didn’t need Roman to know that he was having  _ that _ reaction to this. 

“Dean…I need you to promise me that you won’t do that anymore. Attacking Seth whenever you see him.”

And the tension came back. Dean moved away from Roman, pushing his shoes off and scooting up onto the bed. Roman sighed and laid down next to him, leaning up on one elbow. 

“What’s wrong-”

“Why do you still talk to him?”

Roman sighed again. 

“Because I want to repair and rebuild my friendship with him.”

“Why? After everything he did-he hurt you first! Why would you want to-I don’t-”

Dean groaned and wanted to hit something. He felt Roman’s hand go around his ankle, not keeping him in place, just...keeping him grounded.

“Dean, I know you don’t understand-”

“You’re damn right I don’t! I don’t-Roman!”

Roman shushed Dean and Dean let Roman move him until he was laying down, both of them facing each other. 

“It’s okay, Dean. Breathe, stay calm. I don’t want to set you off, I’m sorry if that happens. I-I still care about Seth. Me and him-we’re trying. Slowly. But we’re trying. Ever since his injury, he-he has changed. We both want to be in each other’s lives, we-we’re just not willing to give up on that bond. I know-I understand if you don’t get it. I know it’s different for you.”

“I don’t-I feel like it’s harder to trust you, I don’t wanna not trust you, but-I know I can’t ask you to stop. I-if you say he’s different, I think-I could at some point agree with that, but right now-”

“I know. This-I know this isn’t easy for you, and that’s why-I don’t seek him out. Repairing this-fixing all of this is on him, but I want to, too. But-Dean, just because I want to have that friendship back, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. If-if it really does hurt you, though-I can….I can stop-”

Dean curled up into a ball, gripping his hair in his hands and whining.

“No-no no no-that’s not-I don’t-”

Roman touched his hands, gently untangling Dean’s fingers from his hair.

“Dean, hey, it’s okay-just focus on me, okay?”

Roman’s thumb pressed into Dean’s palm, and the pressure soothed him, giving him something to center his thoughts on. Dean nodded, and he took a few deep breaths, like he and Roman had been practicing to do. Dean moved to lay on his back and he kept moving his hands, stretching his fingers and fidgeting with them. One of Roman’s warm, big hands rested on Dean’s stomach, and it felt very nice. He grabbed Roman’s hand and squeezed, tracing the lines and scars and rough spots. It helped to focus him, having something to do with his hands.

“I….I don’t know how you’re not as hurt by this as I am. I don’t-I don’t know how you can go through something like that and not feel how I’m feeling.”

Roman shifted to lay a little closer and Dean enjoyed feeling the heat of his body.

“Is that-do you think that’s cause of-you know, your brain stuff?”

Dean shrugged. That was probably true. It was hard for him to empathize sometimes, because he couldn’t understand other people’s reactions to events in comparison to his own. It was just hard for him to grasp. 

“Maybe...probably.”

“Can I tell you my thoughts, or do you need to lead this?”

Dean shook his head, holding onto Roman’s hand, still.

“Nah, I like hearing what you have to say. It-it’s important to me to know what you think.”

He couldn’t look at Roman, not yet-eye contact was far too much right now-but he knew Roman was smiling. 

“I don’t….I honestly don’t feel as hurt as you do. I know I don’t. But-I think that has less to do with what happened than with the lives we’ve led up to that point, you know?”

Dean tugged on Roman’s hand, urging him to go on.

“I just mean that-I know the situation you grew up in and the situations you’ve found yourself in, paired with your mental illness stuff-you think about things differently. You feel things differently. Traumatic events hit you a lot harder than they hit me.”

“You think what Se-what he did-does that even count?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...isn’t it overreacting to call it that?”

Roman snorted. 

“No, of course not. Dean, you were hurt by that. My feelings about what happened-just because I do not view it as a personal trauma, doesn’t mean that your feeling that way is invalid, you know? Everyone reacts to shit like this differently. I personally viewed it as...I guess, a mistake. I think Seth made a mistake and that he’s growing, and becoming a better man, and I think I can be friends with him again, after we all take some time.”

Dean stroked his fingertip over Roman’s palm and pressed down on a few spots. 

“What if I can never be friends with him again?”

Roman sighed, moving a little closer. His front was barely pressed to Dean’s side, and Dean appreciated the slow reintroduction of touch. It was soothing, instead of overwhelming.

“Then you can’t. If you wanted to try, I’d be happy to help. I really would. But-if you can’t, and I would fully, one-hundred percent understand if that’s the case, then you can’t and you shouldn’t have to. Seth and I can be friends and it can have absolutely nothing to do with you, or my-our relationship.”

Dean finally turned his head at that. Roman didn’t use that word for them, ever, but Dean found himself liking the thought of the word ‘relationship’ in relation to him and Roman. Roman’s eyes were so warm and deep, and Dean leaned forward a little. 

“You’re not...you’re okay with that? If I can’t-do that, with him?”

“Of course. And-honestly, I know this isn’t....the best mindset, probably, but if my friendship with Seth began to truly jeopardize our relationship, I would cut it off. You’re-Seth is important to me, of course, but you-”

Roman blushed, his already tan cheeks flushing just that little bit, and he smiled the soft smile that brought his teeth over his bottom lip a little. Dean couldn’t help but smile a little too, looking at Roman, laying so close with him. Roman licked his lips and their gazes met, and Dean felt a peacefulness come over him, the way he always did with Roman.

“Rome...you’re-you’re different to me, too. I-”

“Dean-fuck-we should-”

Dean reached up and cupped Roman’s cheek, feeling the heat of his blush under his hand, and Roman stopped talking, plush lips parted and eyes hazy and dark.

“We will.”

Dean leaned in and pressed his lips to Roman’s, gently kissing him. Roman’s hand went to Dean’s hip, and Dean turned more on his side to be even closer to Roman. He pressed his front to Roman’s, sneaking one arm under his waist to hold him. He moaned into Roman’s mouth, savoring the kiss, their first kiss, sucking Roman’s bottom lip into his mouth. Roman truly did have the most gorgeous lips Dean had ever laid eyes on, and he felt a little more urgent, deepening the kiss, hips pressing forward just enough to make Roman whine.

They had to pull away from each other, just to breathe, and Dean rested his forehead against Roman’s. He caught his breath and felt a little bit of wetness at his eyes. 

“Bubba, are you-are you okay?”

Dean nodded. Roman’s voice was a little rougher and Dean desperately needed more of it.

“We-that’s something we should talk about, right?”

Roman laughed, bumping his nose against Dean’s. 

“Yeah-probably, but God-I already know, Dean. I don’t even need to think about it, I know what I want, I know-I know I want you. I’ve always known it’s you.”

Dean’s lips parted in a quiet inhale. He had lived so much of his life being unsure about people and things, but he felt the same with Roman. He didn’t doubt what he felt, not now at least. He knew Roman was it for him. Roman brought a hand up to cup the back of Dean’s head and he pulled him in, kissing him again, and Dean wrapped himself around Roman as best he could, both of them needing to be as close as the laws of physics would let them be.

\---

Dean frowned at Seth, but nothing else. This was just his luck, getting stuck in an elevator with him. Roman wasn’t even here to...just exist with Dean. Dean watched as Seth tried the emergency button again, snarling in frustration, and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Just sit down, they’ll fuckin’ find us soon. This place is pretty on top of things.”

Seth’s back straightened and he hesitantly, slowly turned to look at Dean. 

“I-yeah. Okay.”

Seth must have been surprised that Dean spoke to him. Dean had thought a lot, since he and Roman had become a couple, about Seth’s place in their lives, in his own life. Whether or not he’d ever be able to be his friend again. Dean would be lying if he said he didn’t want to be, of course he did-other than Roman, Seth had been his best friend in the world.

And that really made everything worse. 

Dean tried to take his mind off of the fact that they were locked in a small space-someone who’d hurt him, small, closed off spaces, it seemed like some higher power was trying to make Dean relive his childhood. He shut his eyes and breathed, rocking back and forth a little. It really did help, even though he felt awful at the moment. 

“Hey-uh-is there anything-can I help, at all? I know-this probably isn’t very easy for you-”

Dean glared at Seth, and the brunet shut his mouth. Dean knew that Seth knew of his childhood traumas, and he was at least happy that Seth wasn’t taking the opportunity to exploit that. He had changed, Dean knew that, but he struggled with really taking the lead and trying to initiate contact with Seth. He shouldn’t have to. Dean watched as Seth pressed himself into a corner, clearly trying to give Dean more room. It made Dean’s expression soften. Seth did have a habit of making himself smaller for other people, at least when he cared about them. Dean frowned.

“Why’d you do it?”

Seth’s eyes went wide-deer in the headlights, a very Seth Rollins look, before he blushed, hanging his head down. Shame. That was nice to see on his face. 

“I….cause I was an idiot, honestly.”   
Dean snorted. 

“No shit. But you’ve always been an idiot. What made...why?”

“Dean, I don’t know if talking about this is-”

“No. Shut up.”

Seth, for his part, did shut up at Dean’s tone. Dean took a deep breath and forced himself to look Seth in the eye, and for a moment, he did see that same skinny, weird-haired hipster with too much heart and soul that Seth was when they first met.

“I need to know. If I’m ever going to-I need to hear it from you. I need to know, from you, and I need you to tell me the fucking truth. I don’t care what it is that you say, as long as it’s the fucking truth.”

Seth nodded, hugging his knees to his chest. Dean worked to make his own posture more open.

“I-I guess I-I was being selfish. I wanted to strike out on my own and-I think I was feeling a lot of resentment towards you guys. I...I kinda felt like I was being left behind, if that makes sense. Like-I guess I thought everyone thought of you two as the big deal, and I felt like all the work I’d put into my career was being ignored. It felt like everyone cared about Dean and Roman, not that weird guy with the weird voice, you know?”

Dean tilted his head. He’d never heard Seth express any of that before, and he’d had no idea Seth ever felt that way. He listened as Seth continued. 

“And like-well, now, looking back, I realize that probably wasn’t true-and even if it was-I mean, I was a different person then. I was. I was angry and frustrated and I felt alone and left behind, and then-you know...Hunter and everyone came to me and started...they told me they’d make me the biggest name in the business, that I’d have a career like no one else’s, that-that no one would ever ignore the name ‘Seth Rollins’ ever again, and-I was so mad and lonely-I got caught up. Right into their fuckin’ trap.”

“And-fuck, I mean, when I looked back on everything-I fuckin’ realized how stupid I was, you know? God. I thought those people actually gave a damn. I thought-they really fuckin’ fooled me. They didn’t want to help me. They wanted a pawn and they wanted the Shield to be broken up because they knew-they know-the Shield is stronger together than anyone and everyone else. And then-I got injured, and-you know, Roman came to see me while I was hurt-I guess I was just reminded of what it was like to have someone who truly cared. Roman has never, ever lied or held back about what he thinks with what I did-”

Seth laughed at himself before looking up at Dean, a half-smile on his face. 

“I really, really don’t deserve a friend like him. I needed someone to-I needed to remember what it was like to have someone like that. He’s been….instrumental in my-in me being a better person. And-I don’t know if I am, yet, but-I’m trying. I want to try.”

Dean was quiet, for a few minutes, thinking about all that Seth had just told him. Dean understood what it felt like to be used and manipulated and abused, and he could actually empathize with what Seth had said.    
“I’m still really, really fuckin’ mad at you.”   
But empathy wasn’t the overwhelming emotion.

Seth shrugged. 

“I figured. That’s fair. I mean...all I can do is apologize, and then back that up with being a better man. I know-Dean, I know we can’t-I know we may never be friends again. I know that and it hurts but I’m accepting it-and I don’t blame you if you never give me another chance. I don’t...I did what I did knowing about what you’ve been through. And I still fucking did it, and that was the cruelest fuckin’ shit I’ve ever done in my life. I know that. And-it’s not fair of me to expect a second chance. I just-’sorry’ doesn’t even really cover how I feel about what I did to both of you, and I’m just-I’m happy I got the chance to tell you all of this. I hope...maybe something I said-I want you to be happy, Dean. One way or another, whether I’m a part of your life or not.”

Dean took a deep-somewhat shaky-breath, and looked at Seth.

“I don’t know if I can give you another chance. I don’t. I’m mad. I’m still hurt, even-after that, I’m still hurt-I need time to think about all of this. You’re right, that was-a goddamn measure of cruelty I ain’t faced in years. And that’s hard to fucking recover from. But-I feel like...I understand better. I know what it’s like to have people manipulate you like that. I know it can make you do fucked up shit. That’s not an excuse-and I think it helps that you explained it how you did and you didn’t try and excuse yourself for what you did.”

Dean leaned against the wall of the elevator and sighed, rubbing his fingers over his eyes. 

“Seth, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about you. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to try and fix our friendship. And-shit, maybe-I think I need Roman’s help, honestly, I do, with this-maybe we can try. Slowly. And you have to understand that it may not work, and we may not-we might not be that again, but even if we do-if we can be friends again, partners like we were then-I don’t know if I can ever fully trust you again.”

Seth wiped the back of his hand over his eyes and nodded, his big doe eyes wet. 

“I understand. If-I think Roman would be cool with...helping us out, and-I do want to try, Dean. Even if we never get close again, I just...honestly, my life isn’t the same-it isn’t as good or as full without you and Roman in it.”

Dean huffed out a quiet laugh. 

“Our lives aren’t as loud and obnoxious without you.”

Seth smiled, slowly laughing until Dean joined in. Dean was happy they understood the terms they were on, and while things may not be fixed yet-nor may they ever be, and no matter what, things would always be different between them-this was a start.


End file.
